Study suggests Audi-driving MPs far less likely to use their indicative votes

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A research study has found that MPs who drive Audis are less likely to make use of their indicative votes tonight.

With MPs facing a number of crucial votes on alternative plans to Theresa May’s disastrous deal this evening, experts predict that some MPs will not be taking advantage of something that has been put in place for the benefit of everyone.

House of Commons spokesperson Christopher James explained, “The great thing about indicative votes is that they can show the House the direction that MPs want to move toward, so that the government can move forward safely and with little risk of any major clashes between members.”

He went on, “But by choosing not to show which direction they want to head in, some MPs risk causing serious damage to their fellow parliamentarians further down the road.”

Audi driver and Tory MP Simon Williams retorted, “Damn right I won’t be doing any indicative voting later!

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“I think I shall be holding my cards very close to my chest, just as I do when I’m driving around, thus giving me the crucial element of surprise over my fellow MPs.

“The odd clipped wing mirror and scraped door doesn’t hurt anyone on the road, does it? Well, I’ve never stopped to find out, to be honest, but I expect it doesn’t.

“And it’ll be the same here. I’ll do what I like, thanks – no-one needs to know in advance.

“And if there is a bit of a queue in the lobby I will insist on standing right behind the person in front of me. That’ll get rid of the queue, for sure.”