Theresa May asks for short extension to Article 50 until all Leave voters have died

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The prime minister is due to send a letter requesting a delay to Brexit later, in the hope that the EU will agree to an extension of Article 50 until the end of June, by which point old father time is likely to have swung the majority in Remain’s favour.

The UK had been due to leave the union in nine days time, but due to the realities of withdrawing from such a complex union clearly being a lot more difficult than ticking a yes/no box on a daft, over-simplified referendum ballot paper, Number Ten decided that maybe stalling for a bit is the best plan of action.

Political analyst Christopher James explained, “This could possibly be the first politically shrewd move we’ve seen from Theresa May since, well, ever I suppose.

“She clearly wants to stay in the EU – you can tell from the cold, haunted look in her eyes whenever she tries to talk up the benefits of Brexit that every time she does so a little bit of her dies inside.

“So with every passing day that Article 50 is extended, hundreds of people who voted leave will be popping their clogs left right and centre, because old age is a cruel mistress and it comes to us all.

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“Before you know where we are then the majority of the public who are alive will have voted remain and will be happy to call the whole thing off.”

He added, “If they all maintain the sort of lifestyle advocated by Nigel Farage then the swing in remain’s favour could happen as soon as next week – especially if there are some steep hills on the March To Leave route.”