Wednesday 20 March 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Parents who want “confusing” LGBT rights classes banned somehow fine with algebra

confused parents with child

Parents who want classes around LGBT rights stopped on the grounds that they are “confusing” are somehow fine with all of the other confusing shite their children will have hammered into their ears at school.

Some schools have dropped the classes from their teaching program at the behest of parents who are apparently scared that little Timmy might find it all a bit much.

“They’re fine with algebra, dinosaurs and physics though, which seems inconsistent,” said puzzled headteacher, Simon Williams.

“I mean no disrespect to children, but they know absolutely jack shit about anything. EVERYTHING is confusing. Have you ever tried explaining a giraffe to someone who’s never seen or heard of one before? It’s a rollercoaster.

“So this is a bit weird and kind of a shame, as statistically speaking, at least one kid in every class is likely to be gay and it would have been cool to teach the kids that there’s nothing icky about that.

“But then they’ve come from homes where parents find LGBT stuff so ‘confusing that they’ve actually gone to the trouble of knocking up signs and having protests to make us stop talking about it, so I’m sure everything is going to work out fantastically for everybody.”

Parent, Hayley Rice, said, “It’s confusing, so no, don’t teach them that.

“Hmm? Algebra? No that’s fine, you can teach them that. That’s not confusing. Nobody does it up the bum in algebra, do they? No, cool, yes, crack on then.

“No, of course I can’t do a quadratic equation, sod off.”

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