Theresa May finally concedes there is a link between daylight and giant ball of fire in the sky

author avatar by 4 years ago

The government was forced into an embarrassing U-turn yesterday as Downing Street rowed back on the Prime Minister’s recent denial that the difference in luminosity over 24 hours was connected to the movement of the sun.

After an evening of trying to ignore the growing social media furore, over the refusal to accept obvious causality, Number 10 spokesperson Simone Williams attempted to clarify Theresa May’s words.

She told reporters, “What Theresa was explaining is that there are many complex factors that can lead to the need to turn on lights later in the day.

“Dirty windows, clouds, forgetting to take off your sunglasses or wearing a very large hat can all contribute to not seeing well at night. Of course, the Earth’s rotation bringing the sun below the horizon can, in some circumstances, contribute to a lack of natural light. It is absurd to claim she denied that just because she used words to that effect.”

Ms Williams also added that Prime Minister lamented the attempt to politicise recent incidents related to darkness.

“Hardworking Britons are tripping over pavements, bumping into walls and spending ages getting the right key in the door lock. It’s easy to claim the government is to blame because we won’t pay for street lighting. It’s just as easy to seize on an earth-shatteringly cretinous statement and claim Theresa May is either too stupid or dishonest to be Prime Minister.

“But the next time you trip over a child’s toy when taking out the bins or fumble around while trying to remember how to turn on the sodding light on your smartphone, ask yourself one simple question.

“Where is Sadiq Khan?”