Man complaining about eating chlorine-washed chicken unaware he swallowed chlorine-washed verruca at pool this morning

author avatar by 4 years ago

Health conscious Brits, campaigning for the UK to veto any possible deal to import chlorine-washed chicken from the US, are apparently more than happy to gulp down a mouthful of chlorine washed scabs, verrucae and snot in their local swimming pool.

Fitness fanatic and food eater Simon Williams, who has been vociferous in his condemnation of the American food standards threatening to sweep across the land, told us today that chlorine has its place.

Briefly breaking away from his swim to speak to us at poolside, Mr Williams spluttered, “Chlorine should be in swimming pools, not chickens, because it kills bacteria and stops people getting infections. Chickens can’t learn about that sort of stuff, so it doesn’t apply to them, but we know.

“I know that should I find myself swimming in a lane behind someone who looks less than fresh, by the time that dead-skin laden, greasy slick reaches my mouth, it’s like a fresh mountain stream. It’s not a chicken though, that’s for sure.

“In fact, chlorine is so good that most people who go to the public baths don’t even have to shower before they go, as the chlorine gives them a good, all-over scrub. It gets in every nook and cranny; it’s brilliant stuff. Just not for chickens.”

When we explained that chlorine-washed chicken was banned in the EU mainly due to it encouraging poorer living conditions and unsanitary environments for the chickens, rather than a significantly greater risk of infection to humans, Mr Williams simply blew his nose into his hands, winked and inadvertently swam backwards through a small turd.