That burst of heat over the last few days was all you’re going to get, Britons have today been told.
After the nation basked in sizzling heat over the last week with temperatures exceeding 20 degrees Celsius in some places, the Met Office have confirmed that those few days were officially our ‘summer’.
Meteorologist Simon Williams, who is qualified to give press briefings but not good-looking enough to be one of the weather people on TV issued a statement on their website saying, “Three consecutive days where the temperature rises above twenty degrees, even if only in one place, classifies as a good British summer, so I’m afraid we’ve had it.
“Yes, last year we had a long heatwave over the summer months, but that was an exceptional anomaly.
“For the period between April and September this year we are predicting an average of twelve degrees Celsius with possible highs of nineteen in parked cars, and there will be drizzle for at least three hours every day.
“In other words, it will be shit.”
Daily Express reader Christopher James responded, “What bollocks. I read in the Expess today that there will be a heatwave again next week, followed by snow the week after, then a hurricane and possible volcanoes and a plague or two in August.”