Donald Trump has returned to the United States after talks with Kim Jong-un broke down over their inability to agree who has the best hair regimen.
Negotiators have revealed that the talks lasted several hours but never moved past discussions around hair care and styling.
As one senior member of the US delegation told us, “We had hoped to move onto sanctions relief and denuclearisation, but both men were insistent that unless the other recognised their follicular superiority, no progress could be made.
“It seems we’re at a stalemate, unless one of them is willing to ease off on the ego a little. Which I think we all know isn’t likely to happen.
After boarding Air Force One, President Trump spoke to reporters about the summit.
He told them, “I have the best hair, everyone says it, but Kim was very insistent that his hair was the best. He has good hair, I think we can all recognise that, but I have great hair, and we can’t really move forward until he recognises that my hair is the best.
“Just because millions of school children have his haircut, doesn’t make his the best, as we repeatedly told him. My hair is unique; it’s one of a kind – so it’s obviously the best. It’s a shame he can’t see that, but we had to walk away, as I’m sure everyone realises.
It is expected that another summit will be arranged for next year if officials from both countries can find a way to convince their respective leaders that the other side has conceded they have the biggest dick.