Wednesday 27 February 2019 by Gary Stanton

‘Britbox and chill’ to become slang for a shit film and a poorly-executed handjob


Britbox to challenge Netflix

Proposed Netflix rival, Britbox, is set to become the new slang for a shit film, followed by a disappointing wank, it has emerged.

The BBC, home to quality dramas such as Luther, has agreed to explore a new streaming service with ITV, the channel responsible for the spiritual bankruptcy of sixty-million people and Jeremy Kyle.

Instead of fantastic intercourse, Britbox promises to be the equivalent of masturbation carried out by a novice who clearly hasn’t consulted the manual or recognised the importance of eye contact throughout.

Prices for the service have not yet been announced, but BBC director general, Tony Hall, said it would be “competitive”, meaning paying money you can’t afford to watch buffered repeats of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, the 2012 edition.

Mr Hall said, “Just as ‘Netflix and Chill’ means the promise of quality entertainment followed by transcendent sex to the Hollyoaks generation, ‘Britbox and Chill’ will signal a lowering of expectations among a post-Brexit population for whom there is little else to do but watch TV while fending off rats.

“Collaborating with ITV in this manner allows us to provide a better choice, while other media giants like Disney are pulling out of Netflix to launch their own direct-to-consumer service, targeted at imbeciles.”

Reluctant consumer, Simon Williams, added, “Do they really expect us to willingly pay eight pounds a month for repeats of Inspector Morse and We Buy Any Car adverts?”

“I’ll be honest, I’d rather finish myself off with a cheese grater.”

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