Tuesday 26 February 2019 by Pete Redfern

Jeremy Corbyn accidentally backs second referendum after getting heatstroke on his allotment


Corbyn in his allotment

The leader of the opposition and grower of London’s most impressive marrow for twenty-six consecutive years Jeremy Corbyn spent a bit too long in the sun yesterday.

The Labour leader realised the dizzying temperature of 20 degrees had got to his head when he glimpsed the evening television news through a neighbour’s window and saw that his party was now apparently supportive of a second referendum on Brexit.

The panicked Corbyn quickly called a press conference outside his house this morning, telling reporters, “I’m afraid there has been a terrible misunderstanding.

“As you know, I have supported the idea of Brexit ever since the eighties – ahem, I mean ever since the democratic vote three years ago – and will not rest until it happens.”

He continued, “Obviously it shouldn’t happen the way Theresa May wants it to happen, and I lack the time or negotiating experience to make it happen the way I want it to, either, but it still should go ahead.

“So I can only assume that my announcement about supporting a second referendum came from me spending rather a long time in yesterday’s scorching sunshine.

“Please rest assured that from this moment, I shall resume my campaign for a jobs-first Brexit, which is definitely a possible thing to aim for.”

Shadow Brexit Secretary Kier Starmer later told us in strict confidence, “Brexit sucks, and we were running out of time to convince Jeremy about another referendum.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, which is why I spent all of yesterday pulling up all his allotment vegetables so he’d have to spend today replanting them in the blazing heat.

“It worked though, and I’d do it again the day before the second referendum – that will then be one less leave vote.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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