Tuesday 26 February 2019 by Arabin Patson

Deafening pop as Labour finally pulls its finger out of its arse


LAbour to support people's vote

Westminster was stunned today as Labour changed its key policy of ignoring Brexit and hoping Jeremy Corbyn becomes PM in the confusion, to embrace the idea of a ‘Final Say’ vote on whatever utterly crap deal Theresa May comes up with.

Party insiders denied the shift was due to the fact 8 MPs had left the party over the very same issue and several more were threatening to do so. As explained Party spokesperson Simone Williams.

She told us, “Just because we finally adopt a policy that MPs tell us will stop them quitting the party, doesn’t mean that’s why we did it.

“If you’ll remember, a People’s Vote was adopted at the party conference and it has always been our policy, even if Jeremy forgot to mention it in his proposal to Theresa May. Or in any public speech since then.”

Ms Williams confirmed that, should a final say be put to the people, Labour would campaign to remain.

“We are a pro-European party and so is our leader. To suggest that Jeremy is a eurosceptic simply because he has consistently voted against further European integration and has made hundreds of speeches lambasting the EU is just malicious.

“We will campaign for remain, albeit quietly, and only in those constituencies that voted out because, well…… they can’t help it, the poor things.

“Just as before we will make the case against a devastating Tory Brexit by not mentioning it at all and talking about bus routes or the Gaza strip.”

The Independent Group did not comment on the press statement. Westminster insiders are still unsure if they are worried that their reason to exist was gone or just feeling smug as fuck.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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