Monday 18 February 2019 by Gary Stanton

Christian nation to demonstrate its Christian values by forgiving returning jihadi mother and child


Angry christians welcoming back Shamima Begum

Warm-hearted Christian nation, Great Britain, is preparing to adhere to the teachings of its majority religion and welcome back errant IS teenager and proud Mum, Shamima Begum.

Decent, well-meaning people everywhere have acknowledged the profound truth of a desperately miserable situation and conceded that rather than taking a life, the youngster has been instrumental in creating a new one.

And in a welcome boost for the former ISIS bride, an overwhelming number of white, indigenous churchgoers, stuck on housing waiting lists, have confirmed they are keen for Ms Begum to be rehoused ahead of them, rather than phoning the Jeremy Vine show and spewing hate-filled bile.

Meanwhile, guided by Christ’s teachings, authorities have decided to take a relaxed approach to the new mother’s rehabilitation based on the fact that you can’t make an effective suicide bomber on just three hours sleep a night.

Commentator and kuffar, Simon Williams, said, “In a spirit that is perhaps contrary to the times we live in, this newly fragmented country has looked inwardly and asked itself what would Jesus do – not ‘what would Katie Hopkins think’.

“Yes, a few extremist Christians have insisted that the lesson we should learn from the Bible’s nativity story is that you should always close your door to a pregnant woman from the middle-east and tell her to ‘fuck off back where you came from’.

“This young lass should take comfort from the fact that if you aren’t fazed by the sight of severed heads in a dustbin, you are unlikely to be affected by anything Piers Morgan has to say on Twitter.

“It’s true a lot has changed since she left what with Brexit, and many of us now view shows like Far Right Sleepover as legitimate sources of light entertainment.”

He added, “We’ve all done stupid things as a teenager, though I’ll admit me setting fire to a barn with Paul Hallas and two girls from the Mill Park Estate doesn’t really cut it on the geopolitical stage.

“It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate, it takes guts to be gentle and kind. Over … o-oo-verrr.”

This morning a contrite Ms Begum agreed to assist efforts to deradicalise the nation’s youth with a tour of schools planned under the banner How Not to Fuck Your A Levels Up By Joining a Medieval Suicide Cult and Alienating Your Parents.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: