Friday 15 February 2019 by Arabin Patson

Satirical article on Brexit accidentally becomes government policy


Man shocked his satirical article has become government policy

Editorial staff at FactPunch, a popular spoof news website, became part of the very events they mock as a piece satirising the UK’s Brexit travails has been revealed to be the cornerstone of the government’s negotiation strategy.

Editor Simon Williams was forced to repeatedly deny that he, or any of the motley group of cynical substance abusers that write the spoof articles on the site, had anything to do with the DExEU or any other government department.

He explained, “Three months ago, we published a spoof press release by the government along the lines that they planned to pretend they lost their laptop charger or something until the Brexit deadline then hope the EU would sign anything out of pity or because they were getting hungry.

“A key part of that strategy was appointing the dumbest shits in Westminster to negotiate in order to make the fuck-up credible.

“It turns out someone at Number 10 saw it and thought it was the best way forward. Never in our wildest moments would I have imagined the government would seriously show up to Brussels on March 19 with an insincere smile and a forlorn hope that Johnny Foreigner would do anything to please the hallowed English.”

Mr Williams was asked if he anticipated any other articles to become official policy.

“I hope not, unless you want to see Boris Johnson lay siege to Antwerp from a boat made out of blue passports while cold-immune northerners fight unbelievably thick leave voters.”

“But then again, making a human sacrifice of Audi drivers to Warhammer Chaos demons could be worth a shot.”

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