US President and wall-enthusiast Donald Trump has been left encouraged and uplifted after receiving one billion messages from the Chinese people informing him that this is ‘his year’.
The messages were written on various cards and letters or tweeted to the President in better English than Donald Trump is capable of tweeting, and all conveyed more or less the same message.
“It’s official – the Chinese people love me,” beamed Donald Trump to the five remaining members of staff who haven’t yet resigned or been arrested.
“What they are saying to me with these cards is, ‘Donald, you got this, you’re the man, you’re the best, this is your time to shine!’ and I am bigly glad that they see me this way. Got to love the Japanese. What? Oh yeah, Chinese. That’s what I said.”
Chinese President Xi Jinping told reporters, “If this had been the year of the sex-pest narcissistic arsehole then we’d have sent him some presents as well.
“But the Year of The Pig is the closest we could get, and we couldn’t resist the temptation.”