I’ll be wearing blue face paint and riding a horse to Brexit talks with PM, confirms Nicola Sturgeon

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Nicola Sturgeon has today confirmed that she will be seeking to make a fearsome impression as she meets with the Prime Minister in London today to discuss her Brexit deal.

The tiny SNP warrior will be hoping to come across as a brave leader who would give her life for Scotland’s best interests, namely independence, as she meets with Theresa May to discuss the Prime Minister’s withdrawal agreement for Brexit.

“This will be one of the biggest meetings of Nicola’s life,” a close aide of the First Minister, Simon McWilliams told reporters.

“The future of Scotland in a post-Brexit world hangs in the balance, and she’ll be damned if she’s going to stand by and let Scotland be dragged down with the rest of Britain.”

He continued, “In preparation for the meeting, Nicola asked me to order some blue face paint, a claymore and a horse so that she can be fully prepared to fight for an independent Scotland, free from the evil, corrupt rule of the English gentry, whatever that means.

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“No-one knows where her inspiration for this has come from, but for the past fortnight she has just locked herself away, watching the same film over and over again and yelling ‘FREEDOM!’ repeatedly.

“I haven’t seen it, but apparently it was directed by and starred an American, so I don’t see the connection.”

He continued, “Still, if it works and she successfully battles for Scotland’s best interests then it will have been worth her looking a bit daft.”

He added, “And I’m she’ll use the opportunity to threaten Scottish independence.

“Er, again.”