Wednesday 23 January 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Drink-driving less bad if you’re good at telly, confirms public


Ant and dec

Drink-driving is kinda sorta not as heinous as long as you can entertain us, the British public has confirmed today.

Having whooped and hollered after bestowing a ‘Best Presenter’ award on Ant McPartlin, who got done for drink-driving a mere nine months ago, the British public has confirmed it’s not so much a case of short memories as it is a case of caring less because the offender is someone they like watching on television.

“Oh come on, it’s not like he’s stopped being funny, is it?” said Hayley Rice, who voted for both Ant and Dec to receive the presenting award.

“Just because he chose to drive drunk and smashed into another car with a baby in the back seat doesn’t then mean we should stop rewarding him for a bit. That would be mental.

“I mean I’m not saying drink-driving is good, ok? NONE of us is saying that. I’m just saying if you’re good at telly then we can definitely give you a bit more leeway than if some scummer from the public did the same thing.”

Alcoholic, Simon Williams, said “I wish I was good at telly. Then maybe my family would stop taking my car keys away.”

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