Thursday 24 January 2019 by Neil Tollfree

“But I thought Singapore was still British” exclaims confused James Dyson


James Dyson on Singapore move

Leading Brexit hypocrite James Dyson has explained that when he made plans to move his headquarters to Singapore, it wasn’t to avoid the catastrophic conditions for business that Brexit would bring about, it was because he thought Singapore was still British.

“Well gosh, is my face red,” said the overpriced hoover magnate, sheepishly.

“The problem is that, like any great British patriot, I refuse to buy atlases published after 1974 as they show Britain as being part of the EU.

“So, when I was looking for somewhere to move my headquarters, I must have been looking at quite an old atlas and I got the impression that Singapore was still British.

“And there’s no one who can prove any different.”

Mr Dyson was adamant that the move had nothing to do with Brexit.

“No, absolutely not. Nope. Not a bit of it. Moving my headquarters to an Asian tax-haven that’s just signed a free-trade deal with the EU just before Brexit? Complete coincidence.

“If anything, my business will probably take a hit from this. It won’t be around to endure – I mean, enjoy the benefits of post-Brexit Britain.

“Gutted. I’m gutted.”

However, despite the newly acquired knowledge that Singapore was not actually British, Mr Dyson appeared reluctant to change his plans.

“No, no. I mean, I would if I could. Definitely. I mean, post-Brexit Britain? Brilliant.

“But, you know, we’ve got the removal men ready and the new office sorted and all that. We’ll probably just go ahead with the move and then come back again next year.

“Or maybe the year after that.”

Mr Dyson also posited the option that he wouldn’t need to move his HQ back to Britain.

“Well, when Brexit is such a success, then perhaps Britain like take back ownership of Singapore as it rebuilds its pre-EU empire.

“Could happen.”

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