Thursday 24 January 2019 by Chris Ballard

I have decided to delay Congress speech, says President not invited to make Congress speech


Donald Trump cancels state of the union

In an attempt to look like he’s still in control Donald Trump has said that he’s actively decided not to deliver his State of the Union address after being uninvited from making it by the House Speaker.

President Trump’s annual State of the Union speech is being delayed until after the government shutdown is over.

“This was totally my decision,” said Trump. “Okay, so I was uninvited from making the speech in the House Chamber. So what? There are loads of places I could make it.

“There’s apparently a big white house I have access to with a circular office or something. So I could do it there.

“Or I could broadcast live from the Mexican border with soldiers symbolically gunning down child refugees in the background. That would be beautiful. So poignant.

“Hell, I could do a speech over the phone while sitting on the can and it would still be great.”

However, some have speculated that the President is quite happy to postpone the speech given how difficult it would be for him to say anything that would unite a divided nation.

“No, no, no. Wrong,” said Trump. “I know exactly how to unite my people. It’s by getting rid of all these ethnic minorities that have no business being here but who call themselves American.

“Anyone not united with me isn’t really one of my countrymen. That’s why we need a wall – to keep out the ununitedness.

“I’ve decided to wait to make my speech until the House is available to me purely because of tradition and stuff.

“Nobody respects the history and constitution of the US government like I do.”

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