Brexit Secretary ordered to surrender cloak of invisibility

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The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, the Right Honourable Stephen Barclay MP, has been ordered by the Prime Minister, Theresa May, to surrender his government-issue Cloak of Invisibility and get back to work.

Precious little has been seen of Mr Barclay, the MP for North East Cambridgeshire, since his appointment to the role of Brexit Secretary in July 2018. He is the third person to fulfil the role and has been keeping a low profile ever since.

Sightings of Mr Barclay have been scarce since his appointment, although some grainy video footage of him sneaking out of an allotment hut has been leaked to the press. However, the footage has yet to be verified.

It was previously suspected that Mr Barclay may have been hiding under the coats in Chequers or sitting in a park somewhere waiting for the whole sorry Brexit affair to blow over, but it seems that he may have resorted to more desperate measures.

All cabinet members are issued with Cloaks of Invisibility for times of crisis, but they are only to be utilised in extreme cases and even then only for short periods of time.

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However, reports indicate that Mr Barclay may have been hiding under his for at least the last year. Meanwhile, Theresa May’s Brexit deal remains stalled in Parliament with no resolution in sight as Britain hurtles towards the deadline with no deal in place.

But now it seems that Mrs May has run out of patience.

“I’ve had ministers going around looking for him all over the place, but no joy as yet,” she said on the steps of Downing Street yesterday.

“If anyone sees him, please tell him we need him to go and do some negotiating asap. Oh, and we want our cloak back too.”