Brexit will be so good for the UK’s global trading relationships that I’m moving my company HQ to Singapore, by James Dyson

author avatar by 5 years ago

Brexit will be the biggest boost to the UK’s global trading arrangements in a generation, and that’s why I am moving my company’s HQ to Singapore.

For too long, UK firms have been hamstrung by the yoke of the EU preventing them from going out into the world to forge their own international relationships, which is why I have chosen now, just as we’re leaving, as the perfect time to move.

Critics will no doubt say I am a hypocrite, but they would be wrong. There is nothing hypocritical about pushing the UK to distance itself from its largest market and its geographic neighbours while moving your company to a location that is closer to its largest market and new geographic neighbours.

I am moving Dyson to Singapore because it’s important to be based somewhere close to your most important markets. These are relationships that need to be lovingly tended. Not like the UK being close to it’s most important market. That’s a relationship that can be flushed down the shitter quicker than a recently eaten Wetherspoons curry.

I’m still going to have people working for me in the UK, obviously. It’s the management stuff is going to be in Singapore. All the high-powered decision making roles. We’ll keep the UK ticking over as we will need an offshore sweatshop to service our European customers. So the UK still wins. See?

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In summary, it’s essential to be close to your most important markets, and to have good relationships with them. Unless that important market is the EU, in which case, fuck them.

And if you think I’m wrong, well, that’s your choice. But only one of us has become a billionaire by getting people to pay £300 for a hairdryer. Who’s the idiot now?