Tuesday 22 January 2019 by Shariq Siddiqui

Charlie Brooker appointed Brexit Secretary to provide everyone with personalised alternate ending


Charlie Brooker becomes Brexit secretary

Close on the heels of the success of Black Mirror: Bandersnatch, Theresa May has appointed its creator Charlie Brooker as the Secretary of State for Exiting the EU.

“Brexit means Brexit,” May said, addressing a press conference at Downing Street. “But I do recognise that it means different things to different people. I want to deliver the will of every citizen without having any idea what that actually is.”

Brooker has already started work on scripting several different scenarios, including Super Norway, Canada Dry, Cold Turkey, Indefinite Leave to Remain, Mass Emigration To New Zealand and Fuck It.

Every final outcome will be unique to every user, based on a series of their choices expressed by swiping left or right on the soon to be released Brexit: Interactive app.

“The app still has a few bugs,” admitted Jaz Kumar, head of the app’s development team, when we swiped right in the beta version to make snipers aimed at refugee boats stand down and accidentally ended up selling the NHS to Russia.

When asked to comment on rumours that Premium HD users will be able to choose their own Prime Minister in Season 2, Brooker commented, “Why the fuck not? Let’s just see what happens. How else would you get to choose staying in the EU with Jacob Rees-Mogg as prime minister. It’ll be hours of fun!”

Brooker disagreed that this was a potentially irresponsible means of determining a country’s future.

“We can just keep going at it until nothing’s left standing,” he said.

“The possibilities are endless.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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