Theresa May launches range of non-stick pans

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Theresa May is to launch her own range of pans to capitalise on the fact that no matter what, nothing whatsoever seems to stick to her.

The pans, which will be ‘bastard well indestructible’, are designed so just when you think something has finally managed to stick to the pan it slides right off and it’s like nothing ever happened.

“They really are quite remarkable”, said consumer goods specialist Simon Williams.

“You can take these pans, knock them about, throw any old crap at them, place them under immense pressure…and then the next day they’re back in the rack looking like you’d not bothered in the first place.

“There are some concerns about their strength and stability, but you can’t say they’re not durable, or criticise their non-stick qualities.”

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Speaking at the launch, Theresa May that anyone trying to use any other product would just come away with egg on their face.

“You can even use them to make jam in your shed,” she added with a chuckle.