Thursday 17 January 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Theresa May tries to sway Jeremy Corbyn with enormous jar of homemade jam


Theresa May allotment jam

Theresa May is pulling out all the stops in her quest for cross-party Brexit consensus.

The Prime Minister has been spotted approaching Jeremy Corbyn’s allotment, while several aides tow an absolutely enormous jar of homemade jam behind her.

“Ohhhh Jeremyyyy!” sing-songed the Prime Minister.

“I believe I have something here you may rather enjoyyyyy!” continued the Prime Minister, before turning to her aides and quietly snickering “one of the many things the little prick has in common with wasps, am I right?”

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister said, “She’s doing this with all of the parties she has to win round.

“She’s got a big box of vegetables for the green party, a family pack of haggis for the SNP and a hogtied homosexual for the DUP.

“I think I’m least comfortable with the last one, although I do hate haggis.”

An excited Jeremy Corbyn bounded up to the enormous jam jar and tasted it immediately.

“Hmmm,” said the former ghost-train driver.

“It’s good, but I don’t know if it’s cross-party-consensus good. Come in for some tea, anyway.”

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