Thursday 17 January 2019 by Pete Redfern

Kim and Aggie receive anonymous request to remove stubborn stain from Number Ten


Kim and Aggie at number 10 downing street

Kim and Aggie have received a telephone call from an unknown person asking if they can remove the most stubborn stain known to man.

The cleaning duo are reported to have been called this morning by a male with a very posh voice, who kept straying into Latin as he asked them to give Number Ten Downing Street a ‘jolly good clean out’.

“It’s very strange to have received such a request, especially given that we haven’t been on TV for nearly a decade,” Kim told us.

“The chap was very well spoken, but you could sense a sort of impotent rage in his underlying his tone, as if he’d tried everything he could within his power to get rid of the stain but had failed; I guess that’s why he is asking for our help.

“He spoke mostly in Latin, but I translated it online and basically he was going on about how the stain had been there since July 2016 after the previous inhabitant took a massive shit all over the floor and then left it for everyone else to deal with.

“Obviously we’ll have to take swab samples of whatever we find in there to establish whether he meant actual excrement, or it was a metaphor for another kind of stain.

“That’s the trouble with him mostly speaking in Latin – it was a bit confusing. If you live in this country you should speak English, that’s what I think, anyway.”

Kim and Aggie were seen approaching Downing St this morning, armed with bacterial swabs, Marigold gloves, Mr Muscle stain remover, lemon juice and vinegar, whilst a tall man in a double-breasted pinstripe suit watched from afar through a pair of binoculars held by his nanny.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: