American cop who arrested Rooney for public intoxication had just never heard a scouse accent before

author avatar by 4 years ago

The American police officer who arrested Wayne Rooney for ‘public intoxication’ at Dulles International Airport in Virginia has apologised after subsequently learning that this is how the footballer speaks all the time.

Police officer Chuck Williams, who arrested the former England and Manchester United captain, apologised saying, “With the strange slurred and gutteral utterings coming from his mouth, coupled with his inability to process simple verbal instructions, I assumed he was drunk – my bad.

“Having done some research, I now realise that this is just his accent and normal mental capability. Also, I now see that the Beatles weren’t permanently sozzled during each and every one of their TV interviews, as I had previously thought.”

In a statement, Wayne Rooney’s lawyer Simon Williams said, “When I heard that Wayne had been arrested at an airport, I naturally assumed it was because he’d been found cavorting with an elderly prostitute or something.

“But it appears to have been a simple misunderstanding on behalf of the cop, who had evidently never heard anyone speaking with a Liverpudlian accent before, as he immediately arrested him for public intoxication after hearing him say just a few words.

“My client received a statutory automatic fine of $25 with an extra $91 in costs, which despite being innocent he was actually happy to pay. Mainly because it’s just a drop in the ocean to Wayne – he earns more than that figure every time he touches the ball in training.

“Plus he would have only spent it on booze anyway.”