Wednesday 21 November 2018 by Arabin Patson

Study finds people with inordinate levels of national pride are nine times more likely to be an embarrassment to their country


British flag moron

A recent study by sociologists has confirmed the old adage that the more someone talks up their pride in their country, the more they make feel their countrymen feel a profound sense of shame of sharing a nationality with them.

Professor Simon Williams, Head of the Sociology Department at the University of Croydon, made the findings public and explained his research.

He explained, “We call it the Union Jack Boxer Shorts Paradox. There is an inverse correlation between how much someone is convinced of the superiority of their nation and how much they are a living embodiment of the opposite idea.

“For example, someone parroting a politician’s speech about the UK being a world leader in something will have people smiling awkwardly and trying to change the conversation. Whereas someone ranting on about world wars and steam engines will have fellow Britons claiming they are Austrians who happened to grow up in London.”

Professor Williams explained his methodology further.

“We surveyed 6000 people in Sussex. When shown a video of our research assistant’s Nan harping on about the queen, 5890 felt some sympathy but tried to look elsewhere. Whereas a video of a Nigel Farage speech on the anniversary of the Battle of Britain had most subjects putting on an unconvincing accent and talking about how ‘you English are crazy’.

“Many subjects also experienced accelerated heart rate, facial reddening and nausea.”

Williams was then asked by a Daily Mail reporter if these findings showed how Britain was a world leader in academic research that could thrive on the world stage outside the EU.

“Disculpe, Señor. No hablo Ingles.”

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