I’m definitely not lying now, insists man who just admitted to lying to MPs

Businessman and ardent Brexiter Aaron Banks used a BBC interview yesterday to explain that what he told a Parliament Select Committee was a lie, but he was being really truthful now when he explained that the biggest donation in British politics was completely legit, even if he couldn’t tell you where the money came from.

Mr Banks, known to his friends as Jabba Junior, explained that his company Rock Services was a hugely profitable entity even though he had told MPs in June that it was just a service company to funnel cash. He also added that his £8 million donation had nothing to do with Russia.

“The money was in pounds not roubles. That makes it British money and totally legal,” He told Andrew Marr who for some reason seemed quite happy with the explanation.

“And it came from my bank account. You don’t need to know how it got there. Just take my word for it. After all, lying to MPs is one thing, but lying to a journalist? No, I am simply a very rich man and that’s why I own diamond mines which is the least shady business in the world.

“The criminal investigation into my funds is a political witch hunt but am totally relaxed about it. That’s why I flew directly to a tax haven when I was told the police were looking into my finances. To go fishing, mind you, not to set up numbered bank accounts around in case I have to flee the country.”

A Channel 4 News enquiry into Mr Banks’ African mines had revealed that their total production in the past 3 years was half a ton of earthworms and a “shiny grey rock that would make a lovely paperweight.”