Eighty per cent of the Spice Girls have made it clear that what they want – what they really, really want – is for their respective bank accounts to look a little healthier.
The group, with the exception of Victoria who will be attending smiling classes instead, are expected to officially announce a comeback tour at 3pm today, which will bring to the joy of everyone emotionally stuck in the 1990s.
“This is the news that all Spice Girls fans have been waiting for,” beamed manager Simon Williams.
“This is about giving something back to loyal fans, and has nothing at all to do with the divorces or financial difficulties of some of the band members.
“Also, it was between a comeback tour in which they can lip-sync for an hour and a half each evening for a hundred quid a ticket, or them doing I’m A Celeb. It was a no-brainer.”
Self-confessed super fan Eleanor Gay could not contain her excitement, telling us, “This is the best news ever! Girl Power! Viva Forever!
“Having said that, let’s hope there are no plans for a sequel to SpiceWorld. Even I can admit that would be a step too far.”