In an attempt to demonstrate the government’s preparation in case of a no deal Brexit, the prime minister has outlined her vision of a post-Brexit immigration system where wealthy investors and highly qualified experts will easily be able to come help harvest asparagus.
Simon Williams, spokesperson for Downing street, explained that the new plan would help global Britain obtain the skills it needed while addressing the valid concerns of voters on both sides of the Brexit divide.
He told reporters, “We will set up a points-based system where the world’s most successful entrepreneurs and technological whizz kids can easily get temporary visas to do the menial jobs we can’t force Brits to do even with the threat of stopped benefits.”
There were some encouraging signs worldwide about how the policy would be received.
In Shanghai, Dr Bai Huangyan, owner of a medical robotics company, said it was always his dream to stand 16 hours in front of an outdoor conveyor belt sorting potatoes by size for a mildly racist Wiltshire farmer.
He explained, “I am so glad I have over a million dollars in liquid assets and a postgraduate degree in cyber engineering.
“That means I can now hope to leave my growing company and my luxury flat overlooking the Bund and go live for a month with eight other people in a clapped-out caravan next to a pig sty. No, of course I’m not taking the piss.
“Britain must be a paradise for you to put up such barriers to immigration. Because if any of your economic sectors depend on cheapm, low-skilled labour then you are well and truly fucked.”
I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!