Theresa May’s government would face exile under proposed new laws to prevent non-skilled EU citizens from working in the UK.
By their own rules, Tory MPs who were born overseas could face stringent checks to determine whether they possess any skills other than fucking up the entire country for generations to come.
A brief survey of cabinet ministers revealed most would fail to meet the new criteria for a work visa, except for Sajid Javid who has an “O” Level in Woodwork.
Immigration Expert and Skills Analysts, Simon Williams, said, “Under the strict Oxford English Dictionary definition, a skill is a type of work or activity which requires special training and knowledge.
“By skilled labour, we mean heart surgeons, oncologists and, yes, Visual Basic programmers with too much time on their hands and a moderately stable Internet connection.
“Shouting your mouth off at the despatch box and leeching off the public purse is all well and good, but neither activity requires training or an advanced skill set.
“By that definition, I could pull in any ‘skilled’, bar-stool ‘politician’ from the nearest pub and he or she would do a pretty good job of it.”
He went on, “Is preaching a doctrine of Back to Basics while banging one of your own ministers a skill?
“Is inadvertently murdering half a million Iraqis as a result of flawed intelligence and a swollen ego a skill?
“Is fucking a dead pig’s head with your cock a skill?
“Is wearing an ill-fitting suit and hiring a nanny to tie your shoelaces a skill?”
He added, “If you can answer Yes to any of these questions, you’re probably already a Tory MP.”