New Tesco discount store lacking the level of utter chaos required to pose threat to Aldi or Lidl

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Tesco discount store Jack’s is nowhere near chaotic enough to pose a legitimate threat to Aldi or Lidl, it has emerged.

The first Jack’s opened this morning in Chatteris, Cambridgeshire, and has already faced criticism for looking like merely a discount version of a well-known supermarket, rather than the aftermath of a gas explosion in a canned goods warehouse.

Shopper Christopher James, who for some reason best known to himself queued up overnight to grab the best bargains from a permanently discounted store told us, “Well, I’ve got to be honest and say it was a bit of a disappointment, to be fair.

“The shelves had a real semblance of order, and the aisles were arranged in a sensible, logical fashion.

“Even worse than that, I wasn’t required to physically wrestle with any other shoppers to grab the last bottle of nearly-expired Mayonnaise, as the stores’ stock levels seemed to have been perfectly planned.”

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It wasn’t just the aisles and stock levels that proved to be a disappointment to shoppers who are experienced in the ways of the discount store.

James went on, “Worst of all, the queues were VERY short. I mean, there was literally one person ahead of me – which unheard of in a discount store. I was served quickly and I didn’t have to spend the usual three-quarters of an hour at the till hoping for a premature death to end my living nightmare.

“It totally lacked the desperate ambience and overall ineptness of a typical discount store, and I for one certainly won’t be going back.”