A document leaked to the press today has confirmed that from 1st April 2019, the UK will be registered as an independent charity, with the ability to apply for funding from the likes of Oxfam, The Red Cross and Amnesty International.
In a radical move, the government will be replaced by a committee, whose primary job will be to apply for grants from around the world to ensure that basic services are provided within main cities, with sub-committees tasked with rolling out the live projects.
A senior government insider told us today that the plan was ‘sensible, structured and would save as many lives as possible’.
They went on, “What we are looking to do is guarantee that people have access to drinking water within a three-mile radius of their homes, have some sort of food outlet where they will be able to exchange ration vouchers for essential items and, in time, the construction of comprehensive communal bathing areas, with soap and towels provided.
“We will have an excellent foundation from which to apply for funding, with the ability to demonstrate that there is a real need for the services that we want to provide and that we will be able to reach a considerable number of beneficiaries.
“The only sticking point will be meeting any criteria that assesses our aptitude to deliver such projects, as we haven’t got the best track record when it comes to such things.”
The document suggests that preparatory work has already been done on the first applications, with the first test projects headed as ‘Water for the West’, ‘Saving the Midlands’ and ‘Body Bags for Britain’.
I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!