Mary Poppins Returns subtitle finally revealed as ‘Mary Delivers a Brexit That’s Practically Perfect in Every Way

author avatar by 6 years ago

The title of the belated Mary Poppins sequel has finally been revealed as ‘Mary Poppins Returns: Mary Delivers a Brexit That’s Practically Perfect in Every Way’.

Long thought of as the only person who could possibly deliver a dream Brexit that makes everyone in the UK happy, supernanny Poppins will take the reins and thrash out a proper, working Brexit that makes everyone happy-as-Larry, using only a magic bag and a cheeky chimney sweep sidekick.

Ms Poppins, 253, said, “It’s clear to me that no-one knows what the holy fuck is going on. The permutations of every single person in the UK having their own individual, disparate version of the process is, frankly, making a mockery of the whole referendum.

“Thus, it falls to me – a fictitious magical nanny to come in and, as usual, sort out the whole effin’ mess, through a likeable combination of strict behaviour protocols and upbeat, catchy singing. This is exactly my skillset, as is well-documented.

“In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun – you find the fun and ‘snap’, the job’s a game.

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“Even popular cartoon characters such as Farage, Rees-Mogg and Boris will be forced to smile at how well the whole thing is going. That’s the spoonful of sugar making their medicine go down.

“This whole negotiation is going to be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

“But remember, if this whole thing does go tits up, Mary Poppins never explains anything.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!