“I’m not sexist, I just don’t think it’s a feminist issue” says man about feminist issue

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Today the world has heaved a collective sigh of relief as Simon Williams, 28, from Kettering, has finally put the topic of Serena Williams’ US open upset to bed.

“I’m not being funny,” said Simon on Facebook on Monday afternoon “I just don’t see why her being a woman has anything to do with it, so I’ve had to conclude she’s making the whole thing up.

“I really don’t know anything about tennis and my mum just had to tell me the difference between a vagina and a vulva,” continued Simon in his post, “but what I DO understand is the difference between a sexist situation and a non-sexist situation, and I think all the lads would with me agree on that.”

Simon has also shared the turmoil he’s had to deal with since publically announcing his findings.

“My brother’s girlfriend got mad and told me I was looking at the issue through the eyes of privilege, but to be honest she’s a right minger anyway so it’s not important.”

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Mr Williams’ announcement was warmly welcomed by literally all women, with spokesperson B. Knowles stating. “On behalf of all women, especially women of colour, we couldn’t be more ecstatic that Simon has come forward to put this debate to bed once and for all.

“It’s really freed up our headspace to worry about more important things, like whether applying makeup on a train is too emotionally unsettling for men. We do hope Mr Williams will come forward with some guidance for us on that soon.”