Kirstie Allsopp chops off children’s legs for running in the hallway

author avatar by 6 years ago

Model mum, Kirstie Allsopp, has admitted that she has removed a leg from each of her children to prevent a repeat of their ‘diabolical’ behaviour of running in for their tea last Friday night.

Speaking to our reporter this morning, a remarkably honest Allsopp confirmed that she had severed the limbs ‘quickly and painlessly’ on Saturday morning and that she expected her kids to piss off back to school tomorrow.

She explained, “I had made the kids a healthy mix of some old shit that I scraped from the back of the fridge while me and my husband had lobster topped steak, some fava beans and a nice chianti.

“I shouted for them to come in from licking the patio clean and they just made it within the allotted 10-seconds. However, when I checked the CCTV later, it turned out that they had basically ran, well, fast walked, through the hallway,  so I had no choice but to put a stop to it.

“They have chosen to learn the hard way. They know that if they had been late for their tea, I would have made them eat dog shit for a year, but running means that their legs are at risk. However, they could easily have left the licking two seconds earlier and made it back on time.”

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Although her methods may seem strict to some, Kirstie did show a softer side as we continued chatting to her.

She went on, “Obviously, some people think that I am too harsh with them, with not wanting to sit with them on aeroplanes and smashing their iPads off the table legs and stuff.

“But I do cut them some slack, for example, now that they only have one leg each, they will have an extra five seconds to get in for tea. I am strict but never unreasonable.”