Personal attacks against Boris Johnson have left oafish, white buffoons feeling vulnerable on the UK’s streets, it has emerged.
Since the vitriol rightly aimed at the dickhead former Foreign Secretary peaked last Wednesday lunchtime, wankers with appalling dress sense have reported being spat at in the streets and having their hair ruffled by impressionable, young zealots.
The authorities insist that some of the accurate, inflammatory terms used against Johnson such as twat, bellend, arse, cockwomble and ‘fucking racist c*nt’ have led to a spate of similar fruity language being employed against comfortably-off white men, many of whom have second homes in France.
As a result, many men are frightened to leave their well-furnished, detached homes or enliven their conversations with a few choice phrases of Latin.
White male, Simon Williams, who earns in well in excess of eighty grand a year for an investment bank, claims he was recently shoved off an Islington pavement for using the expression ‘ad hominem’ near a cash machine.
Williams said, “People attacking Boris in this way should spare a thought for the wider Oxbridge-educated white middle-class community because invariably it’s one of us that suffers the horrible consequences.
“I’ve been spat at, called a blond idiot and had my tie yanked down at a rugby club dinner just because I choose to dress a certain way and have a working knowledge of several European languages.”
In support of Williams’ experiences, an abnormal spike in anti-white, privileged clown abuse aimed at men wearing blazers with some kind of crest on them has been recorded by the government-backed hate crime monitoring organisation, Tell Pater.
Williams added, “Nil Satis Nisi Optimum in foro moribundum – but don’t hate me for it.”