We’re still ‘Green’ because of that week Michael Gove gave up disposable cups, insists government

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The government has countered accusations that they were betraying their eco-friendly credentials by supporting a third runway at Heathrow, by highlighting the many times Environment Secretary Michael Gove reused a coffee cup and got angry at plastic straws.

Simon Williams, the senior policy advisor to Michael Gove, was adamant that there was nothing hypocritical in claiming that the UK would be at the forefront of a clean economy, and then giving a huge boost to the most polluting form of travel.

“It’s just sensible politics. If we increase air traffic then we will have more people come to the UK which means we get more revenue to do wonderfully green things like sending MPs to Bora Bora and tut-tut at plastic bags on the beach.

“How else are we going to fund world-saving initiatives like our small pilot scheme to pay for returned bottles like Germany and France have been doing for half a century?

“We need funding for information campaigns to stop our electoral base hoarding shitty light bulbs and thinking they are freedom fighters because they’ve tripled their electric bill.”

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Mr Williams strongly denied Michael Gove had exploited green issues to rejuvenate the Tory party’s image and had no real underlying strategy to address climate change.

He went on, “No one has done more to curb greenhouse gases than Michael. If all aircraft in the country become grounded in March it will be thanks to him and other visionaries like Jacob Rees-Mogg.

“Post Brexit Britain will be a green land where wildlife will roam free in beautifully silent dockyards and factories.”