Today’s compassionate Donald Trump takes firm action against yesterday’s callous Donald Trump

author avatar by 6 years ago

With characteristic theatricality, the US President signed an executive order undoing the one he had signed barely a month ago and took the opportunity to attack Donald Trump, the man who had ordered the highly controversial child separation policy at the American border.

In a few statements delivered to a crowd of adoring supporters, Mr Trump hailed his decision as a highlight of his presidency.

“They’re taking children away from their mothers! I mean what the hell is going on down there? What low-class moron asked them to do that? Well not on my watch! We’re going to put them in nice family camps, great camps. We’re going to build playgrounds and orchestra pits and feed them Trump steaks.

“The American people voted for change and I’m giving it to them – on a daily basis. In my presidency, I guarantee that the average voter will never again be presented with the obvious consequences of the policies they support.

“I’m a family man, as you will all well know by the way I touch my daughter, so I will not stand by idly while I deliberately make children suffer.”

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Although the White House attributed the policy change to Donald Trump’s sense of decency, the consensus in Washington is that it was the First Lady that swayed him.

Sources close to Melania Trump insisted she was severely upset by the images of crying children in cages. It is reported that, unless Donald Trump changed his mind, she had threatened to eat only asparagus before their ‘special bath time’.