Chancellor to announce tax increase to pay for pretence of successful Brexit

author avatar by 5 years ago

The Chancellor is today to announce a tax increase to cover the cost of giving the impression that Brexit will be financially beneficial to Britain.

The announcement comes in the wake of Theresa May’s attempt to normalise the phrase ‘Brexit dividend’ earlier in the week.

The tax increase will give the government more money, and by referring to this extra money as a ‘Brexit dividend,’ they hope to continue to convince stupid people that Brexit isn’t a catastrophically bad idea that is costing the nation a lot of money.

“Yes, there will be a tax increase, to ensure we have more money to help make it look like Brexit is going well,” said Theresa May, Prime Minister and the hollowed spectre of a human being.

“But, I think that this tax increase just goes to show the ambition of this government to make a success of Brexit.

“We could just raise taxes enough to cover the huge costs of Brexit, but we want more than that, we want to pretend that Brexit will be a real benefit to the country.

“Yes, this will cost everyone a little bit more money, but I think that everyone can agree that using this money that we take from you to give you the impression we’re having a successful Brexit is definitely worth it in the long run.”

If the government manages to get away with this without being laughed out of power then it is thought that they have plans to introduce a tax increase to cover the cost of a proposed tax cut for ordinary working families just before the next election.