Discarded Morrissey albums ‘a greater environmental catastrophe’ than plastic bottles

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Morrissey records thrown out in disgust by the general public are posing a greater hazard to the marine ecosystem than empty bottles of Fanta, it has emerged.

Following the singer’s latest far-right utterances, albums and CDs are being either flushed down toilets or are tossed frisbee-like from nearby cliff-tops.

The warnings come after a majestic blue whale was found lifeless and adrift off the Azores with Morrissey’s entire back catalogue lodged in its gullet.

One-time Morrissey fan and whale enthusiast, Simon Williams, said, “The sad thing is that the Morrissey I recall would once have championed this sublime creature. These days, however, he’d probably call it a fucking blue bastard.”

Williams maintains that it has become inconceivable to perambulate a canal towpath or similar inland waterway without stumbling upon a Limited Edition Queen is Dead vinyl box set stuffed into a reed bed.

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Meanwhile, the world’s oceans are known to be suffering under the sheer burden of Morrissey’s solo output, much of which is contaminated with nascent xenophobic bleatings.

Scientists estimate that if a further one million copies of Vauxhall and I plus associated merchandise are routinely chucked into the Atlantic, global sea levels could rise by up to two millimetres.

Williams went on, “So much Smiths-related black vinyl gets washed up onshore that iconic British geological features like the White Cliffs of Dover have started to turn grey. Somehow, I can’t see Morrissey being happy about that.

“The situation is so much worse down-under and the Great Barrier Reef is not expected to survive another National Front Disco.”

Greenland-based walrus, Peter Singleton, added, “I awoke this morning to discover three of my offspring had choked to death on the same copy of Viva Hate, but I don’t mind because it’s an absolute classic.”