Jeremy Corbyn demands video-assisted refereeing for chemical weapon atrocities

author avatar by 5 years ago

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn believes new VAR technology could be used to apportion blame in the Syrian conflict.

Despite recent attacks clearly being carried out by Syrian Leader Assad, Corbyn is prepared to give the murderous psychopath the benefit of the doubt while awaiting the results of an action replay.

Corbyn believes the cutting-edge video technology could be installed at popular targets of the regime such as heavily-populated areas, kindergartens and crèches.

However, critics say the delays involved during playback and consultation with a fourth official would interrupt the flow of atrocities as they were being perpetrated, leading to people switching off their televisions.

Meanwhile, Corbyn called for an independent panel of referees to assess footage of the murder of innocents, which should include at least one Mark Clattenberg.

Corbyn said, “VAR technology could have put the matter of Assad’s guilt way beyond doubt, just as it could have allowed Frank Lampard’s goal in the 2010 World Cup against Germany to stand.

“Metaphorically speaking, it would allow us to determine whether President Assad had strayed into an offside position when he murdered those kids with gallons of nerve agent, assuming that it was him.

“On the face of it, he seems such a likeable guy so we shouldn’t be jumping to any hasty conclusions based on the overwhelming weight of evidence and the previous track record of a man prone to occasional bouts of state-sponsored violence.”

Corbyn later refused to be drawn on whether the recent attempt to wipe out the entire population of Douma should be classed as a disallowed goal.

He added, “With this technology in place, you might think you’ve got away with mass murder but we’ll soon know if shirt-pulling was involved.”