Sunday 15 April 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Despite every other intervention in the Middle East being a disaster, this time it’ll be different, insists West


Theresa May on Syria involvement

Whilst acknowledging that every single intervention made by the West in the Middle East has been a complete catastrophe for all concerned, the West has insisted that this time it will definitely be different, and everything will work out splendidly.

“This time it really will be different though,” said the mad old woman who, for reasons best known to British people, is in charge of Britain.

“I mean, I do understand the entire history of the human race is littered with disastrous interventions in the Middle East by well-meaning Western Governments that lead to death, deprivation, instability, terrorism, conflict and mistrust, I really do.

“It’s just that this time, because we’re doing it, it definitely won’t be like that. It will be different. Definitely different. Yes.”

The history of Western intervention in the Middle East goes back to the first time someone from the West discovered the Middle East, took a brief long round and went – ‘Hmm, something’s a bit off here. I know, I’ll kill a bunch of people and fuck shit up. That should definitely make everything better’ – and was then disappointed to find that his plan had failed to work as intended.

Since that historic moment, the West has repeated that aggressive course of action every few years, only to fail spectacularly with each intervention yielding similarly poor results to the last.

The mad old woman with a gleam in her eye went on to explain why she was so sure this time will be different.

“Because it will,” she claimed, confidently.

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