Please resume your sick barbarism with conventional bombs, West tells Syria

author avatar by 5 years ago

The Syrian regime is free to continue murdering innocents the conventional way now that we’ve had our little tantrum, Western powers today agreed.

Syria was targeted yesterday following its recent use of chemical weapons, which experts confirm leave young, blameless children a different kind of dead.

Most commentators agree that seeing dead Syrian kids being pulled from rubble is one thing, but having them foam at the mouth while you’re eating your tea is another.

US leader, Donald Trump, said the wholesale murder of civilians should be done within international norms, after realising that the Geneva Convention is not, in fact, a progressive rock act from the late 1970s.

Trump said, “Conventional bombs are just fine. Hell, we’ll even sell them to you. Ask anyone who runs a despotic regime anywhere.”

Trump confirmed that the US is ‘locked and loaded’ to launch another strike the instant another blood-soaked corpse appears showing the telltale signs of having been brutally murdered in a way that doesn’t look like it was done by a gun, bomb or missile.

Meanwhile, Syria’s meerkat-in-chief, President Assad, has asked Western powers if it’s ok to water the chemicals down a little bit in a bid to stay within international murder guidelines.

“By doing this I’m guessing we would probably be fully compliant, with the added bonus of making our Sarin gas go a lot further,” he told us.

“It’s a win-win for everyone, except the kids obviously.”

He added, “Think of it like watering down a pint of Stella.”