by 
A self-checkout till has stunned shoppers today by scanning items and processing payments without throwing a single hissy fit.
The till, located in a Tesco Express in Reading, processed over two hundred transactions without once insisting that there was a phantom item in the bagging area or asking the shopper to wait for assistance for no bloody reason at all.
“I think this may well be a first in retail history,” beamed store manager Simon Williams, evidently proud of an achievement he had no part in.
“Statistically, the average self-checkout machine will declare a carrier bag as an unexpected item in the bagging area for around sixty percent of our customers, and for nearly all of the till users the machine will throw a real wobbly when presented with something that has to be weighed.
“And that’s before it attempts and fails to read fifty percent of clubcards, on average.
“So to go a whole day without any issues? This is surely a record.”
It is understood that the machine has now been removed for testing to diagnose the computer virus that may have led to the machine actually doing its sodding job in the hope of rolling it out nationwide.
