A man is no longer bothered about Facebook giving his personal details to all and sundry because they were kind enough to make him a personalised video to commemorate the event.
Simon Williams’ heart melted this morning when he logged into Facebook to see a video celebrating his eleventh anniversary as a site member.
“It was beautiful,” said Mr Williams. “All my anger at their past indiscretions immediately evaporated when I saw what an effort they’d gone to record the information they’ve given away to political manipulators. 87 million Facebook members to choose from and they made a personalised video for little old me.
“It began with a fantastic slideshow of all those drunken photos my friends tagged me in that I was always a bit embarrassed about but too polite to ask them to remove. The one of me trying to aim my vomit into a McDonald’s fries carton created a particularly warm nostalgic glow.
“Then there was a real blast from the past – the grinning face of Craig Dyson who made primary school a misery for me with his relentless bullying. I accepted his friend request a decade ago before I really understood what it meant.
“The short film then ended with a real flourish – a wonderful montage of all my credit card details, shopping habits, political preferences, Internet search history and a list of anyone I’ve messaged on the platform, and when. It was so tremendous I immediately shared it on my timeline.”
Simon said the video has inspired him to reach out to his estranged wife.
He concluded, “I’ve made mistakes in the past, just like Facebook, but I now know it’s possible to make amends.
“I’m sure Susan will forgive my numerous affairs when I turn up to her flat tonight and show her a film of the time she fell down the church steps at my cousin Peter’s wedding.”