Jeremy Corbyn seeking final solution to accusations of anti-semitism

author avatar by 5 years ago

Jeremy Corbyn wants the anti-Jewish problem within his ranks dealt with once and for all, it has emerged.

The blue-eyed Labour Leader has vowed to tackle die Antisemitismusfrage by ‘all means necessary’ and to purge European soil of the anti-semitic poison.

Under a Labour government, pledged Corbyn, anti-Semites would be forcibly sterilised and banned from owning businesses.

Corbyn also blamed ‘anti-Semitic elements’ for causing a fire on his allotment by gnawing through a cable carrying Aryan electricity.

“Once you get an infestation of anti-Semites they’re a bugger to shift,” said a notably confused Corbyn.

“They and their kind we recognise all too easily by their habit of chewing through furniture, but if you criticise them then you’re suddenly a bigot.”

However, Corbyn’s muddled response was criticised by Louise Ellman of the Labour Jewish Movement.

“It has taken Jeremy far too long to recognise and deal with the problem of anti-Semites on his allotment and in his pro-Hezbollah greenhouse,” she told us.

Corbyn added, “I’ve tried every method to eradicate them mercilessly – from putting Zyklon B down to rounding them up and gassing them, but they always return.

“Honestly, in some respects, they’re as bad as the Jews.”