Jeremy Corbyn seeking final solution to accusations of anti-semitism

author avatar by 6 years ago

Jeremy Corbyn wants the anti-Jewish problem within his ranks dealt with once and for all, it has emerged.

The blue-eyed Labour Leader has vowed to tackle die Antisemitismusfrage by ‘all means necessary’ and to purge European soil of the anti-semitic poison.

Under a Labour government, pledged Corbyn, anti-Semites would be forcibly sterilised and banned from owning businesses.

Corbyn also blamed ‘anti-Semitic elements’ for causing a fire on his allotment by gnawing through a cable carrying Aryan electricity.

“Once you get an infestation of anti-Semites they’re a bugger to shift,” said a notably confused Corbyn.

NewsThump best selling notebooks

“They and their kind we recognise all too easily by their habit of chewing through furniture, but if you criticise them then you’re suddenly a bigot.”

However, Corbyn’s muddled response was criticised by Louise Ellman of the Labour Jewish Movement.

“It has taken Jeremy far too long to recognise and deal with the problem of anti-Semites on his allotment and in his pro-Hezbollah greenhouse,” she told us.

Corbyn added, “I’ve tried every method to eradicate them mercilessly – from putting Zyklon B down to rounding them up and gassing them, but they always return.

“Honestly, in some respects, they’re as bad as the Jews.”