‘Social smoker’ relieved to only develop ‘social Emphysema’

A man recently diagnosed with emphysema has been pleased to learn that his condition may not be as bad as he first feared.

“Obviously, when the Doctor gave me the news, I was terrified,” said Simon Williams a life-long smoker, “But then I quickly remembered – I’m only a social smoker, so I must only have ‘social emphysema’.”

Despite no such disease being recognised, Williams was adamant this must be the case.

“Clearly, it couldn’t be as bad as the full-blown disease – which only proper smokers get – and I’m not a proper smoker… I’m a ‘social smoker’.

“It’s like if someone says to you they’re a ‘social buttefly’, that doesn’t mean they’re actually a butterfly; that’d be absurd. This is an identical situation. I’m not a smoker… nor a butterfly.

“People have called me a fair-weather smoker, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I would, and have, willingly stood out in the pissing rain, hail or snow to get my sweet fix of nicotine,” he continued, lighting up his third Rothmans of our interview.

“I’ll only smoke, say, at friends’ birthdays, – maybe as a treat on a night out, or while having pints with the lads, even pints without the lads, after work drinks, work lunches, first thing when I wake up in the morning – and technically, even though I live alone – it still counts as social smoking as my postman often arrives when I’m outside, and we’re now on a first name basis.”

When contacted about his patient’s comments, Williams’ doctor said, “That man is as deeply ill in the head as he is in the lungs.”

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