Country that gets paralysed by two inches of snow thinks going it alone will be great

author avatar by 6 years ago

Britain is still labouring under the misapprehension that it can do just fine in the modern world despite ceasing to function under levels of snow that would pass unnoticed in most of Europe, it has emerged.

“It’s truly an astonishing sight,” said Professor Simon Williams of the University of the Bleedin’ Obvious.

“Every few winters, small amounts of this white stuff falls from the sky and the British people are simply unable to comprehend ways to deal with it.

“Even Polynesian adherents of cargo cults work these things out more quickly.”

Despite being hailed by Brexiters as the world’s fourth biggest economy – sorry, fifth – Britain is unable to afford enough grit and salt to keep the – sorry, sixth – roads clear. Many morons are now expecting some sort of fucking medal just for getting to work in order to do the thing they re paid for.

“It’s going to be grim out there, my commute could take two hours instead of one but we need to keep our Blitz spirit,” said Nigel Walker, a moron. ‘

“We can’t let this defeat us. That’s just what the French would do.”

Simon Guillaumes, a French person, said, “Non. We would clear ze snow and get to work where we will drink coffee all day.

“Furzermore, even we French know zere is no comparison between sitting in a bomb shelter waiting to be blown to bits and sitting in a Honda Jazz waiting for ze traffic to move. You British are, ‘ow you say, a load of twats.”