David Attenborough used the last episode of Blue Planet II to explain just how badly you’ve fucked things up last night.
Changing his tone from ‘breathy wonder’ to ‘more in sadness than anger’, Attenborough compared the world’s seas to a bowl of cereal but instead of Frosties and sugar they’re full of plastic and pollution with a bit of liquid in the gaps.
Politely suggesting that the next time you buy a sports drink in a plastic bottle you use the extra energy it gives you to walk to a bin rather than tossing the empty into a river, Attenborough gently made the point that if you don’t it’s pretty likely everything will die.
“In this remarkable, pristine wilderness the most brightly coloured objects aren’t beautiful, darting tropical fish, but a traffic cone and an old space hopper,” he intoned, mournfully.
“If you want to do that in your own garden be my guest, but this is everyone’s garden you childish, shortsighted arseholes.
“It’s not like I’ve not been telling you for the last sixty years. You just don’t listen, do you?”