After half a million beer mats were released to Wetherspoon’s pubs with a “manifesto” for a “successful Brexit” printed on them, it has become apparent they are far more detailed than anything the government produced.
Speaking today, Professor Susan Smith said, “We have studied the so-called ‘manifesto’ on these beer mats, and compared to the government’s current plans they are actually quite detailed.
“The dimensions of a beer mat are traditionally 93mm square, whereas the favoured medium of the government, the fag packet, is just 85mm high and 50mm wide. So the beer mat has significantly more surface area with which to lay out your plans, and promise your impossible outcomes.
“Brexit is of course insanely complex. It’s a bit like looking into space and knowing the bit you see at any one time is less than a grain of sand in a world made of sand.
“That said, if you’re going to issue meaningless sound bites and platitudes to be lapped up by morons, Tim Martin has found the ideal way of doing it.
“It is the perfect vehicle get to those who have made poor life choices, and want something to blame whilst enjoying their pint of almost gone off Kronenbourg.
“The phrase ‘successful Brexit’ is an oxymoron, anyone with a brain now knows that. Which is why, I assume, only Wetherspoon’s have produced something like this for their customers.”