Tories deeply divided over whether clocks go forwards or backwards

Theresa May’s government has yet to form a coherent clock-altering strategy for this coming weekend, it has emerged.

With the Cabinet at loggerheads, experts believe it could be the 59th minute of the eleventh hour before any decision is taken to move the big hand clockwise or anti-clockwise.

Earlier today, the Secretary of State for Exiting the EU, David Davis, admitted he couldn’t rule out clocks being put forwards one hour or ‘was that spring?’

However, Davis was later slapped down by a furious Prime Minister who said ‘yeah you get an extra hour in bed or something’.

The backwards-forwards dilemma exposed deep rifts within the government, with Remainers pushing for backwards, and Brexiters determined to press forward regardless of the economic risks to people who’ll be thrown out of clubs early.

Davis has the backing of Michael Gove and Boris Johnson, with Gove demanding UK voters be given a referendum on the issue.

Gove said, “The eternally-wise British people should be given a choice: whether clocks should be put forwards, backwards or – my personal favourite – to leave them the fuck alone.”

Meanwhile UKIP rent-a-gob, Nigel Farage, also weighed into the row, telling reporters, “Yes it’s darker in the evenings, but that’s because of all the immigrants.

“They come over here blocking our British sun and we don’t even get to send them home. It’s outrageous.”

Brexit voter, Simon Williams, added, “I won’t believe the clocks go backwards this weekend until I see it written on the side of a bus.”

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